Losing our way, finding ourselves
Often I have people who have been in addictive and toxic relationships ask me how to attract the right relationship. The issue at play here is usually the ‘wanting’ of a relationship over and above the realisation that every relationship is an extension and expression of our relationship with our Higher Power.
If we are feeling overly dependent on a person, we are usually not allowing ourselves to depend on our Higher Power. At some point we are usually begin to feel consciously or unconsciously disempowered in the relationship. Effectively, we are energetically making the other our Higher Power. This sets up a relationship where we focus on the other person to meet our needs. This becomes difficult for the other person, because in effect, they feel a pressure, responsibility, guilt and perhaps an expectation of perfectionism to meet our needs.
Energetically we are handing our power over to another. In essence we are disempowering ourselves. This is usually affecting our Solar Plexus or personal power centre. We feel ‘less than’ the other and put them up on a pedestal. However, it doesn’t stop there. Of course we feel enmeshment rather than an authentic heart connection. So we hand our hearts over rather than open them to love. This weakens our Heart Chakra. Our Sacral Chakra is also affected. An umbilical like chord of attachment that sends neediness in our partner’s direction and also assimilates all energy coming from the person (both good and not so great) comes directly down the line to us. We don’t trust Spirit as we are placing our trust in an imperfect being instead. Hence, suspicion and distrust in the relationship ensue. This primarily affects our Base Chakra, the trust centre. The Universe mirrors our energy and sends wonderful opportunities to learn to trust Spirit 100%, so in effect, we attract deceit. Our Third Eye is distorted, our spiritual vision clouded, we see the partner from a child’s standpoint looking to a parent. Hence, we will do anything to be loved and lose ourselves in that until we can no longer see the ‘real’ us. We hear what we want to hear too. This closes off our Ear Chakras. Perhaps we make excuses for being let down, we don’t want to feel the excruciating abandonment that in effect, we fear the most will happen. Our Crown chakra is also clouded from carried feelings, deep-seated fears and our inability to think straight without our ‘stash’. Our Throat chakra is usually taken over by the child within as our Higher Self takes a back seat.
People ask me how important it really is to have a connection with a Higher Power and our Higher Self. I feel that unless we do, we create all of the above and more dysfunction until we get it right. It’s like having a stool with only 2 legs. It simply wouldn’t stay upright. Even striving for a connection with Spirit will change the power dynamics in the relationship and begin to turn them around. I have seen extremely dysfunctional relationships rewrite themselves into highly evolved ones. Anything is possible when we both commit to a strong and solid relationship that encourages a third leg in the stool of our relationship. This is the Lightfilled Relationship, the real happily ever after that we all seek. And it cannot be done with 2. Only with 3.