Simple; walk up to the front of the line and stop allowing everyone else to push in – your needs, wants and desires are equally as important as the next person. Constantly putting others first and their needs before your own is not valuing ‘who you are’. You value others above yourself and this pattern of helping everyone else will always come to a sudden Holt. You can’t keep up the continued effort and you will eventually feel depleted, exhausted, unappreciated and not valued. You must receive in order to balance it out. If you are a person who feels good about giving to others, that’s great but it needs to be equal or otherwise it will be detrimental to your health and wellbeing. You also need to give to others because you want to, not to fill a void in your life. If this is happening to you then you need to ask yourself; why, do I feel the need to feel needed? Because we all want to be liked, loved and appreciated.
Why do we as a human race, constantly put ourselves down? Are we really that bad or is it our perception of ourselves? With enough negative re-enforcement from others we begin to believe it to be true. No-one starts of in life knowing where they will end up or what experiences they will encounter along life’s journey but we do expect it to be somewhat good. When we constantly hit hurdles or challenges you can either look at it as a time for ‘growth & change’ or fall into the ‘victim’ mentality. We are never trapped by our circumstances unless we think we are. Our lives will be perceived by how we choose to perceive it – good or bad. Do you think the glass is half empty or half full? If your answer is half empty - you look at life in a negative way and this is your indicator that you need to change your mindset, your way of thinking.
Our thoughts are our ideas or opinions of ourselves. Intrusive thoughts are unwelcomed ideas, memories or traumatic flashbacks that are repeated or find their way into a person’s thinking.
Our emotions are our feelings that reside in ourselves. These emotions can be feel good or can feel bad.
Our behavior is how we act out and our actions will be based on how we feel. If you are feeling good then your action will be positive but if you’re feeling annoyed, anxious, angry, or sad then your action will be negative and will be regretful.
Many people become stuck on this constant rotating cycle of: thoughts>emotions>behaviorand don’t know how to stop. They constantly over think everything and are self-critical of their past actions because they are living in their past and not living in the ‘know’.
Self-Love is truly loving the person you are – inside & out. It can be difficult for many to love themselves if they have made bad choices in the past, they can become their own worst critic. Accepting oneself and forgiving your past mistakes will lead to self-love. No-one is perfect, we all make mistakes that’s how we learn to become a better person. When we accept ourselves completely we don’t need to feel appreciated or valued by others. It is nice to feel appreciated, but it is not healthy to live your life ‘needing to be needed’.
Self-esteem is the opinion you have of yourself. It’s too easy to list your faults and failures but what about listing your positives. For many this is a lot more challenging to list your own positives but it helps to ask others what do they see in you that is positive and start from there. This builds self-esteem. Many of us worry about what others think and it makes us feel good when someone offers us a complement.
Self-worth plays a huge part in one’s ability to accept that they are WORTHY of this dream. People will fantasize about this grandiose life, career or dream and if they don’t have those around them to support and encourage them then they can easily slip into their negative thought patterns and beliefs. Their environment and those who are close to them can have a huge impact on their dreams. You MUST also start putting yourself first. Too many of us are too busy taking care of everyone else’s needs, wants and desires that we forget about our own and unfortunately, sacrifice our own dreams.
If you want to feel good about yourself, it starts with identifying the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Strategies & Processes to help make changes;
- Practise SELF-LOVE
Embrace Yourself – Accept Yourself – Forgive Yourself – Love Yourself. Accept you as you are right now and forgive what you can’t change. Love who you are as you are right now.
Put yourself FIRST – every day do something for you before you do anything for anyone else. This can feel selfish at first until you become used to it.
Value Yourself – how can you help others, if you can’t help yourself? Value your own wants, needs and desires by doing something for YOU.
- Regain SELF- CONFIDENCE
List your abilities – listing your abilities allows you to see everything that you’re good at. If you have difficulty doing this then ask a friend or colleague to list down the abilities they witness as part of you. Often we are surprised by what is shared yet it is a great reminder.
List your accomplishments – what have you achieved so far in your life. Take pride in what you have achieved. This is good for your self-esteem.
Focus on Positive thoughts & beliefs – become aware of your thinking. Replace any negative thoughts with positive thoughts and soon enough you will start to change that belief pattern.
Set Goals – If you are wanting to move out or change your job, whatever the goal is: write up a plan as this gives you a schedule & time frame to work towards. Plan your work THEN work you’re plan. Every day do one small action towards achieving your desired goal. As you progress forward every small action will grow & produce results, once you’re able to see your results this will inspire you and motivate you to keep going.
Be Flexible – how you reach your destination is not always the way you thought, it may have a few detours or pit-stops. I call these pit-stops, detours or stepping stones. Sometimes we need to take a detour as this will ultimately lead us to our destination.
Don’t give up – each day do a small ACTION towards achieving your goals. Not every day is going to be a success, you are going to have bad days, but ‘don’t give up’. Start again the next day.
Know that you matter – you have a lot to offer, you are a caring and giving person. The world needs people like you in it. Realise your worth and appreciate yourself. Don’t underestimate the strength and power that resides inside you, right now.