I took up smoking when I was 16 years old. I wanted to fit in and all the ‘cool’ kids were doing it. Around about the same time I started drinking too. I grew up around a lot of smoking and drinking so it was really quite normal. I didn’t think I would ever be a smoker, I had thought it was gross, but here I was at 29 years old still smoking. I had toned it down to being a social smoker now so it was only when I had a drink or was feeling stressed out. However I was binge drinking quite often. I wanted to give up. I didn’t like that I was a smoker and I thought ‘one day I’ll be one of those non-smokers and I look forward to that day’. At the time I could never see myself not drinking or not wanting to have a smoke when I drank.
Today, I’m 32 years old and I’m a non-smoker and I have been for over 2 years. I barely drink and I never feel like a smoke when I drink. I think ‘yuck’! Yes…I did it…I became a non-smoker and it took a whole lot of self-love. The smoking and drinking for me are what I call ‘numb-ers’. I was numbing pain that I didn’t want to feel. I was numbing it so much that I didn’t even know it was there. It took a rather rude awakening after an intense soul connection that brought this pain up for me and in that moment I had the choice to numb or to heal. It was a real blessing in disguise. It was then I knew that if I wanted to have certain things in my life I needed to be love and feel worthy of it. It was hard not to want to numb but what was more important to me was love and everything else I wanted...family, success and real happiness. Every time I binge drank and smoked I was telling myself and the universe that I was not worthy of love and what it was that I really wanted.
It took a lot of willpower to choose to heal rather than numb as I became very conscious of my choices. I would crave a smoke or want to go out drinking and I would ask myself firstly why was that I was wanting to do that so I could find the triggers and ‘Do I want to numb myself or do I want love? It was an easy decision...I chose love and then I had to do the actions that were loving to myself. It was hard at first, but soon enough the shifts came and it became easy. The more I chose love and to heal, the more my whole life transformed.
I found that after couple of months when I tried to have a smoke, it was the worst thing I had ever tasted in my life and I stabbed it away and ran to the bathroom to furiously wash my mouth out! I could literally feel and taste all the chemicals going into my lungs and body. I could not believe had chosen to do that to myself for 13 years! I was telling my body how much I didn’t love it and that it deserved to die. My Dad says smoking is slow suicide and effectively it is. Why put toxins and chemicals into our bodies? We feel like we don’t deserve life, not that we are consciously aware of this. I could literally taste the pain I was putting my body through. The same thing happened with drinking. I now have a drink on the very odd occasion but it has a totally different effect on me if I have more than a couple and it makes me feel like I want to fall asleep! I don’t actually enjoy the feeling of going into unawareness. When I see people smoking now, I feel a bit sad, because I know that there are parts of them that they don’t love. I believe that if we truly love ourselves we wouldn’t be physically able to have a smoke, that our bodies will reject it. Being a smoker or heavy drinker doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means that there is some pain inside of you that you haven’t healed yet. When you consciously choose to love yourself, then your body shifts to match that vibration so that is why physically I was unable to have a cigarette because I had healed some of the pain that smoking had been numbing.
When I look back at my triggers for my smoking and binge drinking it was often to do with feeling rejected and like I didn’t belong and these would help me feel better about myself. I smoked because I didn’t love myself and then I didn’t love myself because I smoked as I blamed and made myself wrong and feeling guilty by telling myself that 'I shouldn't smoke' and that it was wrong and bad. Drinking was pulling me into a lower vibration so I could go into unawareness and not have to feel anything that was real. However, when we numb pain we are also numbing joy and love and we push it away rather than attract it. Often what we think is a coping mechanism is the very thing sabotaging us. We need to choose to heal rather than to numb... That's the real secret, that's when the changes happen naturally and yes it's entirely possible for you to stop through self-love. For me it really was a detox for my soul. As I took away the 'numbing' fixes I filled myself with my own love and soon I started to feel joy in other ways. I never thought I would not be a party girl but here I am choosing to stay at home on a Saturday night and read a book and I am loving it!
So how do you use self-love to stop smoking and drinking?
You become conscious of your choices every day. Are they self-loving? Are they in your highest good? Treat it like you are on a diet as though you are desperate to lose weight to fit into your wedding dress. You would ask yourself ‘Do I want this piece of cake or do I want to fit into my wedding dress?’ Except this dress is your body and your soul wants to fit into it and you are choosing love. Because what you are doing is getting your soul back into your body. When we numb and do things that are unloving to ourselves we lose sight of who we really are. Our soul doesn’t want to live in a body that is choosing to damage and numb itself all the time.
When I ‘awakened’ I felt like my soul had been just floating around somewhere else waiting for me to wake up. As though I had been a robot walking around on autopilot totally unaware that I wasn't even being myself. In fact, I actually thought I did love myself! But how could I be loving myself if I was drinking, smoking, taking drugs and continually sabotaging my change for real love and success? This is why I had felt empty when I wasn't 'busy' doing 'stuff'. Because I was empty....empty of love...my own love. It was time to bring back real love into my life from within, just like you can too. I have developed this 7 Steps in 7 Days to Self-Love Exercise which you can print out and stick on your fridge which you can download for free here. You can also watch the episode on Soul TV on this topic and will hear from other experts and can sign up via this link – Soul TV.